COSMIC JOURNEY

This first journal entry in my second journal "Cosmic Journey" is a metaphor for the morning of January 18, 2010, when I was awaken early, early in the morning with a telephone call from Christian telling me of his intention to take his life. The sound of gunshots and later in the day a phone call telling me Christian had shot himself in the head and had died.

I lay deep in slumber. Lost in the darkness of dreamless sleep. Had I been capable of conscious thought, I would have been thankful for this thoughtless sleep. This escape into the realm of soft, buffered nothingness.

Laying in my bed wrapped in blankets warm and secure, a sudden and violent bright light pierced my silent mind. The blinding light and deafening sound bounced around inside my head and slammed into the back of my eyes. Searing pain. A magnetic force pulls the breathe from my lungs.

I struggle to remain earth bound. Then a gentle voice in my head whispers "Why? Just close your eyes and let go. Let go." Suddenly I am numb. I feel nothing. I allow myself to be carried on the wings of energy into the cosmos. Shhhh, no words, empty your mind. Let only timeless energy fill you. Weightlessly drifting through and around stars and past the moon. That same soft voice whispers "The answers lie out there. Quiet your mind and soul and take a comic journey and you will find your place in the universe."