LIFE CUT SHORT

My Son

You are my heart

My eyes, my song.

You are the dance of

my forefathers

And the wings for which I fly.

You're the depths of

my soul

And what the

world sees.

You are and always will be

a part of me.

--Linda Schwenber

It was as though time had stopped when Christian left us.  He was such a large presence in all our lives.  I missed his laughter, his voice, his hugs, his touch, his scent, his sense of humor, his warmth.  I missed everything about him.  Well not so much his bad moods.  He was human after all.  But bad moods and all,  all I wanted was more time with him.  

I still have his beanie and his favorite wool scarf that his sister Robyn gave him hanging in my entryway.  One day one of Bobby's friends stopped by.  As I passed Christian's things, I stopped, pressed my face into them, and breathed in deep.  She was watching me and voiced her opinion that she thought that was sick.  She's actually very nice but she is young, has no children, and  often just lets whatever she's thinking pop right out her mouth.  I wasn't offended because I knew she didn't understand that his scent was all I had left of my precious child.  It is something physical that I can hold on to, breath in,  and be filled with his presence and his warmth.  Perhaps it's a mother thing.

I drew this picture of Christian from a photo that I took of him.  There were so many happy times filled with laughter and love.  The entire family had come to celebrate my daughter Tiffany's birthday.  We put long tables out on our back deck and had a big cajun shrimp boil with tons of salads.  Tiffany, Matt, and Persephone arrived early that morning and headed up to our lake property to go swimming at the pool while I waited at home for the rest of the family to arrive.  What a glorious day.  After eating, Stephanie wandered through the garden, Tiffany and Persephone played in the sprinkler. Then Tiff, Matt, and Persephone swung on the big wooden swing set in the backyard. Just three kids - two big, one small -  having fun.

The following day everyone went home except Christian, Stephanie, and little Persephone. The afternoon was very hot so we decided to go to the Union Country Store and get ice cream cones. That is where the photo was taken.  After eating the ice cream, we decided to walk across the street to the Marina Inn Restaurant and share fish and chips in their outdoor dining area.  Dessert and then dinner.  Isn't that the way it should be?  Then Persephone and Stephanie picked wild sweet peas from along the road.  That entire weekend was so special.

Just a side note:  I drew the picture exactly as it appeared in the photo.  I always wondered why his finger in the foreground looked like that.  It was only just now that I realized that it is actually my finger in front of the lens.  Silly girl!