TODAY IS NOT EASY

TODAY IS NOT EASY

December 18, 2010

I hardly know where to begin

Here it is Christmas time

The first since you left us

My heart is broken

There is no tree, no lights

No holiday cheer

No presents, no ribbons

No bows

Our house is barren.

Today is not easy.

Outside the world is beautiful

I do enjoy all the music

The decorated houses

The friendly smiles

The hustle and bustle

I so wish you were here

To enjoy it with me

Like we did every year.

Today is not easy.

Outside everything is

Red and green and frosty white

Inside I am wrapped in a cocoon without color

Black and gray

I am isolated and alone

Even when I am surrounded by people

I am isolated and alone.

Today is not easy.

But I am safe in my colorless world

You said you would always be watching over me

I believe you; and I know that you are holding me

Protecting me

And as long as I know and believe that

Perhaps I won't fall and some day

I'll break free and emerge

a stronger, better person

Some day.  Maybe.

Today is not easy.

They say if you assist a butterfly is emerging

From it's cocoon, it will die

It's wings will never be strong enough so it can fly

Is that also true of humans?

If I struggle and push and pull and finally break free,

Will those I love be there with loving kindness

When I emerge?

Who besides you even knows that I am lost?

Does anyone know that I am missing?

Today is not easy.

If I had gotten my wings sooner,

I would have wrapped them around 

Those I love and kept them safe

And protected them

From the harsh reality of life and death.

But I didn't and I couldn't.

I think I will stay here a little longer.

Life is just too hard to live right now.

Today is not easy.