SOME DAY
When Christian took his life, I fell into a deep, dark depression. I still struggle with leaving the house or finding the energy to do anything. Even though I try to be upbeat for my family, inside all I feel is emptiness, sadness, loneliness, guilt, and depression.
I know things will eventually get better. I will never get over losing my beloved child but some day I hope I will be able to go a day without feeling intensely sad. From that hope comes this drawing and poem.
And I shall pull myself from the darkness of
that black void called depression and despair.
And like those first indescribable life forms
I shall rise up, evolve, and grow in strength
Until I can at last stand tall and walk again
In the bright world of the children of man.
And to them I shall say "I survived!"
My new Dearest Friend, I am amazed every time I read your journal. We are so far away, but so close. Just like our Sons. I wonder what they planning for us next:) I want you to know I will be with you every minute of this season. You are walking in my shoes, so we will walk together as friends, Moms and survivors. This is what I believe. When someone embraces you this Christmas Season, accept it with open arms because it confirms to me that Christian is sending this message to you: Mom, I love you and I am sorry I left you. If only I had made a better decision. I left a beautiful family and a beautiful place. But the place I am in gives me peace in my Soul. I watch over you and my family every day and every time you receive a kind word or a gentle hug, know it is me sending my love.
ReplyDeleteI know what you are facing this Christmas and my eyes fill with tears for you. My heart aches for you and the family. I wish I were there to hold your hand and give you my hugs. I wish I could take away your sadness. So we will keep going forward and look back when we need to. But we are allowed to remember the good with the bad. We are allowed to cry when we damn well feel like it. We are allowed to laugh and smile. I wish you the best during this long journey. I will be there to help any time any day. Love, Patty