When Christian was in the third grade, his teacher ask the students to write a paper about their favorite holiday. Christian's went something like this (I don't remember exactly because his paper was lost at his Memorial Service):
"I think December 9th should be a holiday. It is my birthday and everyone would celebrate me. They would eat cake and wear clothes."
I think that is kind of funny because Christian didn't especially like cake. The only one he ever requested was the chocolate one that you poke holes in and then pour chocolate pudding over - Jello Pudding Cake I think it was called. What he really loved was banana cream pie. One year the grandmother of one of his friends made it for him and he talked about how special that was for years.
Today is Christian's birthday and my heart was so heavy, my grief so great. His absence so intensely felt. How he loved his birthday. My heart was broken and tears filled my eyes and flowed down my cheeks without warning and without regard to time or place. Part of that sadness was because I, as his mother, was so afraid that as time passed he would be forgotten by his friends. I was so afraid that he would become just a distant memory that would eventually fade away.
But that didn't happen. I have received so many heartfelt messages about how remembered he still is and how loved he still is. Of course, that didn't stop my tears but these new tears were tears of not just sadness but also of joy.
The mother of one of his friends reminded me that today should be a celebration of all the years we spent together. She reminded me that Christian "REALLY LIVED LIFE".
As the years go by, the number of people that have gathered on his birthday has gotten smaller. But I am here and tonight I will write my note, attach it to a balloon, and send it into the Heavens. Other family members are celebrating his birthday at their own homes.
He was joyful; he was a free spirit; and he lived life large. Depression took him from us but we will always remember the love and laugher he brought into our lives.
You are so missed my darling child.
 |
| Isn't this the perfect balloon? How he loved his music. |
Beautifully written. Isn't it remarkable that our children who were able to live, love and laugh, who brought so much joy to others could be taken by such a dreadful sadness. Feeling your pain alongside my own. Sisters in grief. Sandy
ReplyDeleteRemember the dreams we had for our children. Remember how all we wanted was to watch them grow. Grow and be happy. Remember all the lessons they taught us about life through their innocence when they were small. They are and will always be a "Child of Mine." Thank you for commenting Sandy.
DeleteI love you Linda, truly and deeply. Thank you for sharing your joy and your pain with us. You are such a gift. Sending love always, Brenda Nottingham <3
ReplyDelete