I know journaling is not for everyone but for me it has been life saving. I've wanted to write about this subject for a very long time but it is so subjective (of or existing within an individual's mind rather than outside: personal)that I have been reluctant to put too much influence on what I think is important in the healing process. One of the most valuable lessons we have come to realize is that everyone grieves differently. The grieving process is uniquely that of the individual trying to find their way through it.
My journey is exclusively mine. Yours is exclusively yours. However, the basic emotions are universal. And through online grief-based support groups a lot of us have found other tender souls struggling with the same feelings and experiences. We travel together but at the same time we travel horribly and terribly alone. Alone and trapped with all that emotion that we don't know what to do with. Very often we have no one we can talk to because all our friends and a lot of our family has disappeared.
Before I discovered there was a way to reach out to and correspond with other suffering souls like myself, I was very much alone. Being alone I needed to find a way to make sense of what had happened; to try to deal with the devastation caused by my precious son's death by suicide. I needed to understand. I needed to learn how to cope. I needed to learn how to breath again.
I never thought about if there was a right or wrong way to begin a journal. I began because I needed to get my feelings outside of myself. In the beginning there were so many, many different emotions. I was having a hard time putting a name to each one. An impossible task. I thought if I could sit down without any forethought and just begin to write, the feelings would come pouring out. The hurt, the pain, the despair, the anger, and all that sadness. But even more importantly, I needed to understand my reaction to all those emotions.
And I was right. That is exactly what happened. As my pen began to write, everything I was feeling came pouring out. Tears stained my paper but it was such a great relief to be able to get it all out. I never thought or expected that I would share my journal or my own personal journey but, as you know, that is what I did.
I had all these suggestions for journaling that I planned on sharing with you but tonight I decided to go online and see what others had written. I found an article that says almost verbatim what I had wanted to tell you but it is oh so much better written than I could have done.
I love how it begins:
"A window to your soul, keeping a journal can be a way of giving your feelings an outlet like no other, a place where your deepest thoughts can reside without fear of judgment, blame, or need of justification. Journals allow you to be just who you are, and are a place where you can travel through life's emotions with gentleness, compassion and deeper understanding."
I'm including the link below. It will be well worth your time to read it
For those that might think journaling is just too overwhelming; for those that think they don't know how to begin, I would like to make a simple suggestion. After deciding where you'd like to write (in a blank book, a journal, online, etc.) and dating the page, begin your first entry with "Today I....." Then describe how you're feeling at that moment. For example: "Today I am angry that no one understands how I'm feeling"; or "Today I looked out the window. The sun was shining and the world looked beautiful - for the first time in a very long time."
Journaling can be one sentence. All it has to be is honest - a true reflection of how you're feeling at that moment. It doesn't mean that you'll always feel like that. After all, each day is a new beginning.
A journal is a personal history. I am so thankful that I have something tangible that I can pick up and read. Something that helps me realize how far I've come in this journey. I was so numb the first year or so that I remember very little of what I went through. You may be thinking that you don't want to remember but even when you are going through the absolutely worst thing you'll ever experience, you are growing.
Only by writing down all those feelings, all those thoughts, and experiences and then going back and re-reading it will you ever know just how much you've overcome. It will give you direction and a feeling of accomplishment. It will tell you about small successes that you might not even be aware of.
I can promise you that it is something that you will never regret. I would only caution that if you're going to write about others, keep your journal in a safe, secure place. That way you can rant, cuss, or do whatever you need to do to relieve your stress without fear of retribution. You have to feel free to express yourself, to be yourself.
Please give journaling a try. I think you will amaze yourself.
http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-a-Journal
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