CHILD ABUSE - A Personal Story
Today I am going off task to talk about an issue that is near, but not dear, to my heart. I am including a drawing and a poem that is part autobiographical and part fiction. I was that little girl that stood by the fence and wept. Standing alone. Wanting desperately to play. To run and scream with glee. To be free. Wanting to be part of the group. Wanting to be like everyone else. So, so alone and lonely. All of that is true and is burned indelibly into my memory. While I am still unwilling to discuss the abuse, I will say that it was not until I became a mother that I was finally able to break through the barrier of silence that allowed me to discuss emotions and feelings. It was important to me that my children be able to openly talk about what was happening in their lives and how they felt about it. But it was not easy for me. I fought hard and had to overcome incredible emotional obstacles to be able to make myself open up. Abuse, even physical abuse, is not always visible to the eye. Abusers are clever about hiding the evidence of their crimes.
My father abandoned my mother, my two brothers, and myself when us children were very little. My youngest brother was still a baby and I was a year and a half. My oldest brother was three or four. My mother had to work to support us and had a long, long commute each day to and from Washington D.C. She hired a live-in babysitter and housekeeper who we called "Aunt Mary". She was my abuser and my nightmare. She robbed me of my innocence, my personality, and my ability to trust.
Many, many years later I was finally able to tell my mother what had happened. She ask why I never told her. When I told her that Aunt Mary had convinced me that terrible things would happen to all of us if she was exposed and sent away, my sweet mother couldn't understand or accept why I would believe that. She couldn't, and still doesn't, understand how I could believe it when I was told that we would all starve to death if I told. I was a small child. Small children believe what they are told. Especially when told the same thing repeatedly. Part of it, in my opinion, is because she loves each of us so much that she can't accept that she was not able to protect me from unbelievable physical and sexual abuse.
I am sharing this because it is important to be able to recognize the symptoms of abuse since it is not always visible. I have known children that acted out even when they knew that punishment was sure to follow. Then there are the children like me that withdraw from life. The invisible children.
Little Girl Alone
written by Linda DuBos
November 24, 2010
In a barren, colorless world
Little girl stands by the fence and weeps.
She never looks up, she only stares down.
Why try? they ask. She will never speak.
Never say why tears roll down her cheeks.
Little girl stands alone by the fence and weeps.
Desiring invisibility
She likes sitting in solitude at her desk.
Inside its warm, safe, and she can rest.
Teacher asks a question, then calls her name.
No! No! I won't answer. Its always the same.
Little girl stands alone by the fence and weeps.
Not me. Can't you see I don't exist.
"You know this one. Why don't you try?"
Little girl squeezes tight her weeping eyes,
Rocking, shaking, a puddle forms on her seat.
Eyes looking. Head pounding. Knees grow weak.
Little girl stands alone by the fence and weeps.
"It's okay little one. It's okay. Maybe some other day."
Teacher looks down, sighs, and quickly leads her away.
The voice in the little girl's head screams "Never tell,
Never speak. Your voice brings pain. You know this well."
Little girl stands alone by the fence and weeps.
"We must get you out of these wet clothes."
Teacher starts to lift the hem of her dress.
Little girl pushes away, holding it down tight,
and backs away. "Don't be scared. It's alright."
Gentle hands lift up and pull it over her head.
Shivering, she wishes she were home in bed.
Teacher gasps! Little girl looks quickly down
I will not tell. I must only stare at the ground.
Teacher whispers in her ear. Shhhh. Don't cry
Your secret is safe with me. She let out a sigh.
I know well what happens to little girls that tell.
This will stop. No one is going to make your life hell.
The little girl looked at Teacher and smiled.
Little girl had to go home after school that day
Teacher promised everything was going to be okay.
Next day the bus arrived but little girl wasn't inside.
Where is she? I shouldn't have let her go Teacher cried.
Momma says when she got home she wasn't there
She's my little girl. I love her. I want her home. I swear.
Police ask questions. Momma shakes her head and cries.
The nanny stands back and looks on with cold black eyes.
The invisible child has disappeared.
The moon still shines. The sun still rises and sets.
Life goes on. But she is gone. And she was only five.
In time people stop looking. They stop asking "why".
But teacher knows. She saw nanny's cold black eyes.
No one will listen. They say stop wasting our time
The girl is gone. And you have no proof of a crime.
She cried, she pleaded. Stop her before another child dies.
"Nanny didn't, wouldn't. You must stop spreading lies."
Defeated, Teacher stands alone by the fence and weeps.
A physical death does not have to occur. A tiny broken body does not need to be found. Emotional death is as deadly as a physical death. Child abuse and neglect is a crime. Please do your part to stop it.
For more information on recognizing and preventing child abuse and neglect, please go to the link shown. Thank you.
I wonder how many little "secrets" we all have hidden inside? I have mine - your big bro
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