IF ONLY PRETEND COULD BE REAL

IF ONLY PRETEND COULD BE REAL

I am a big girl now but even big girls need to pretend sometimes.  I could pretend that I'm five years old and life had only recently begun.  I could pretend to put on a cute pink princess dress and place a "diamond" tiara on my head and plastic high heels on my feet and whirl and twirl around the living room.  I could pretend to sit on a tiny wood chair and drink tea from little "china" tea cups placed on a small wooden table in the nursery.  I'd eat little cookies off small flower decorated plates with all my dolls and teddy bears in attendance.

Or maybe I'd do a bigger girl daydream of fancy hats, high collared, ornately embroidered Victorian dresses.  I could pretend to pile my curled hair up high on my head; and pull a fancy laced-trimmed, feathered hat down over my carefully coiffured curls and tie the ribbon under my chin; and button tiny pearl buttons on the standup collar tight around my neck.  It would all be so elegant.

I could get lost in those big, over-done clothes.  Lost in the clothes, lost in the game of pretend.  Lost in the

game of life.  

I could pretend that January 18th didn't happen.  I could pretend you are still here.  Pretend you never left us.  We could sip tea together from our china tea cups; OR we could magically be transported to Victorian England of the 1800's.  We would pull on our kid leather gloves -  yours would be black and fit the contours of your hands perfectly;  mine would be the cream beaded ones made especially for me and purchased in Italy when I was 18.   I'd remove my silk parasol from the umbrella stand and you your elaborately carved walking cane; and we would stroll down the boulevard in our formal Victorian walking fashions.

We would end our walk at a little outdoor cafe and sit in their rose garden.  The sweet scent of velvet petaled roses would fill the air.  We'd order rose-hip tea with cream and sugar.  High tea would be served on the Queen's china and placed on a lace covered table for two.  A plethora of tiny flower-decorated petit fours would accompany our tea and be served on a tiered cake plate.  A smaller plate would hold tiny tea sandwiches.  Even though you would enjoy something more manly,  you'd humor me and pretend you liked those dainty little cakes and tiny cucumber and watercress sandwiches as much as I did.

Yes, you would like that---- getting all dressed up and going out.  You would be the most handsome man in the outdoor cafe.  Everyone would think what a fine young man you were to spend such a glorious day with your mother.

The game would be so much fun.  We would laugh and check out the outfits on the imaginary people and drink our tea with grand, high browed manners.  And wipe the corners of our mouths with the edge of our lace-trimmed linen napkins.  The day would be bright and sunny without a cloud in the sky.  Blue birds would be sitting in the trees surrounding the garden singing their sweet little songs.  Everything would be perfect.  No pain, no sadness.  No sorrow.  Just you and me sharing a perfect day.

If only pretend could be real.