THE PERSECUTED PARENT(S) AND FAMILY MEMBERS

I know this post will be controversial especially to those parents whose children have died by violent crimes. I do not mean to be insensitive and bring up hurtful thoughts and memories. However, I was moved to write this post. You may or may not believe in spiritual guidance but I do; so when the Spirit speaks, I must listen.

Watching the news lately I suddenly became aware of the fact that there is a section of our population whose grief and guilt is being almost completely ignored. I am not talking about the perpetrators of violent, heinous crimes. For them I have no sympathy and this post is not about them or the crime they committed.

I am speaking and thinking about .....I'm sitting here in my chair wondering if I dare approach this subject ....... I so don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone angry because I "don't understand", "you've never been in my shoes", "you don't know what its like" And it's true. I don't.   I can imagine but I do not understand or know what its been like or what the personal hell you've had to endure to like.

So on tip toes, I approach my subject:   the parents and family members of those that have committed these unthinkable crimes.

How many times have we witnessed on the television news, in the newspapers, in online news reports how the family members of these people are victimized themselves. Innocent people that happen to be related to the criminal. At times they have to be taken into protective custody so they are not harmed or their lives taken. Their property is often vandalized and their homes surrounded by news media hungry for a look or a comment.  These family members have their lives disrupted and totally and completely turned upside down.

Maybe they, like Ted Bundy's family and friends, had a loving relationship with the perpetrator;  had no idea of the thoughts in the criminal's head; no idea of the horrible crimes he/she had committed.; had never seen the dark, ugly side of this person they love.

They, like us, are in terrible pain.  Often their family member is still living but their emotions are not unlike our own. They go through the same shock and anxiety we did as they struggle to understand. They find themselves in the same deep, dark pit drowning in sorrow, depression,  despair, and seeking an answer to the question "why?".

But now add to that a GUILT that will never go away, embarrassment, and a society that doesn't offer kind words and warm embraces; but instead they find an angry public that turns on anyone associated with the criminal or their lives. Most often even before the facts are in and the criminal is found guilty, they have been tried in the press.

Already they are guilty in our minds and for some punishment must be doled out. Even if its against those innocent of any crime.

Think for a moment about the isolation they face. They are hurting and being hurt. Can you imagine being locked away in your house, with curtains drawn, afraid to leave, to go outside, and your house surrounded by angry people and insensitive news media knocking on your door.  The television bombarding them with every detail of the crime. Their hearts breaking with each word.  So much guilt.

Television news people anxious to report any dirt they've managed to dig up.   Even against those not associated with the actual crime itself.  Everyone is fair game, especially family members, and we're more than willing to listen and believe.  We are all eager to place blame in our attempts to "learn the truth".

And what about the children involved in this type of situation? I wonder sometimes how they ever survive this type of trauma - this arrow in the heart caused by one of their own family.  Especially if it's a parent.  To whom do they turn for understanding and support?

The children are harassed and bullied and found guilty by association. All things that we say are unacceptable and yet in this circumstance are somehow deemed okay. Even those that normally would speak up against such things, turn away. What a sad, sad statement about human nature.

And what of the parent whose child died at the hand of a police officer as a result of the crime they had committed?  I cannot imagine that they ever find peace in their lives again.

So today I ask you not to think about the criminal but about compassion and understanding for the innocent. For those who were not a part of the crime or destruction of lives. I know this is not going to change - not for society as a whole; but change can begin in our own minds and in own hearts. One person at a time.