OUT OF THE FLAMES AND ASH THE PHOENIX IS REBORN

Like a thief in the night you came.
Black shadowy creature
silently walking on tiptoes,
slipping and sliding unseen along walls and through the shadows
Determined in your goal
you sought out and stole from me that which I treasured
Giving no thought to the toll to those that loved him.

I scream out at you but
You care not for my sorrow and anguish.
Or the long nights and empty days
When I cry out and beat my pillow.
What of the blood that spills upon the ground
From my crushed and broken heart?
Evil and contemptuous! Calloused and uncaring!
He was my child! You took my child, vile one.

I was not ready. I had no time to prepare.
Like a thief in the night you came
Robbing him of his desire for life
Ripping him from my motherly arms
You did not hear or heed my prayers.
I prayed and prayed. Heart wrenching prayers
Prayers of desperation. Didn't you see my tears?
Why didn't you care? Was my faith not strong enough?

Words of comfort are offered but they mean nothing
How can they when death has arrived uninvited
And stolen your child? I am overcome with feelings of
Anguish. I want to strike out at this invisible, formless
Void. I want to hit and kick and scratch and knock to
the ground this Thing. This Thing I cannot touch.
Frustration! Irritation! Madness!

In the middle of my torment a calmness begins to settle upon me
I fight against it. I don't want to be calm. I want to be angry!
Anger is an emotion that I can understand.
But despite my efforts, my tears stop and I am at peace.
I lay exhausted and spent upon my bed with no desire
To do anything but lay there.

In a dreamlike trance but fully awake
I am transported to the most beautiful garden
Flowers and trees reflect in a crystal clear lake
The melodious songs of birds are heard overhead
The air is clean and fresh. The sun is bright but not harsh or hot.
The temperature is perfect.

I suddenly realize that I am not alone.
A man - at least I think that it is a man -
Cloaked in white is walking beside me
His voice is the voice of an angel
Neither male nor female
Clear and strong but soft, mesmerizing and hypnotic
Like a voice somewhere deep inside my own head
It consumed me and overwhelmed me
But was comforting and calming at the same time.

""Be at peace my child.
Your beloved son was not taken from you. He lives on.
He was gift given to you for just a short while.
He was entrusted in your care to raise, and to love,
and to bring up in righteousness. To teach to be
compassionate; to respect and love his fellow man
and to help those in need, to extend a helping hand.
His trials were difficult, his pain great.
Both he and you were tested to see if you
could withstand all the hardships you were dealt.
In his anguish would he cry out against the God that made him
Or in love quietly and gently give up his soul?.

He learned his lessons well and when his work on earth was done,
To his Father in Heaven he did return. His departure was not unplanned.
He gladly gave up his earthly life to fulfill a greater plan.
A plan put in motion before the beginning of time
Before the earth was formed and life breathed into it.
I know your sorrow is great. For He made you as your are.
Grieve as long as you must and weep when you will
But remember this, he is with Us now and is greatly love and is at peace.
When you need him, he'll be near to guide you along your way
And when your time on earth is done, he'll he there to take your hand
Lift you up and bring you back home once again to US."

Next I knew I was alone and once again lying in my bed.
I felt like a Phoenix that had been consumed in flames
And rose reborn from the ashes.

No longer do I view death as a thief in the night
For I know it to be a bright and glowing light
That leads us from the darkness of earthly life back home
To the peace and comfort of Heaven's pure love.
Loved ones are not left behind and alone by those that go before us
They continue to watch over and guide us when we try to do what's right.
They are here to comfort and aid us in our times of pain and despair.
They are here when we call out to them in the middle of the night
They are closer to us now then they ever were before.

I still cry and miss my precious son terribly.
I miss his sweet voice and his gentle touch.
The grieving will never be done. But the anger is gone.
New understanding has replaced the blame.
When the game of life gets too hard, I know that my Christian is sitting beside me
Invisibly holding my hand and whispering in my ear "Everything is going to be alright."
I still have bad, bad days when missing him is almost too much to bear.

But on other days I see him in the rising and setting sun,
In the dew on the grass in the morning.
In softly falling snowflakes and in the rainbow in the sky.
I hear his voice in the rustling leaves
And in the rain as it falls on rooftops and taps on my windows.
I see him in moonbeams and star light on warm summer nights.
I see him in sunbeams as the break through the trees in early morning.
I see the twinkle in his eye when light reflects and dances like fire in diamonds and crystals.
I am reminded of the wonder that was him when I see a shooting star.
I feel his presence when bulbs break through the soil in Spring and the first flowers emerge.
I feel the force of his love in the thunderstorms and wind that bends the trees.

I am filled with peace knowing that he surrounds me in the innocence and beauty of Nature. I can almost feel the gentle caress of his fingertips on my hand.


"Life on earth is but one brief moment in time,
I am finally home, Eternity is mine."
~~~Author Unknown~~~