"Cosmic Journey" and "Introspection" follow my first Grief/Art Journal titled "a Journey".These journals contain a collection of artwork and journal entries describing my thoughts and feelings following the death by suicide of our beloved 32 year old son Christian. Unable or unwilling to verbally discuss the depth of my feelings and the hurt, pain, and rage I have endured these journals have been my salvation. My world destroyed I struggle to find peace and my place in the universe.
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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
WILD, BEAUTIFUL, AND FREE
Soaring with the wind ----- feeling so gloriously free ----- wondrous, adventurous, and daring
Silhouetted against the blue of the sky ----- the whiteness of the clouds
----- majestic
----- beautiful.
You knew each wind --- the sound and smell of the rain --- the warmth of the sun --- the cold of the snows of winter --- the luminous light of the moon and the stars.
The sky, the trees, the meadow were your playground.
----- wild
----- beautiful
----- and free.
There is music in the air --- joyous songs at daybreak ---vesper lyrics at sundown --- harmonious melodies --- songs without words. Your songs.
No song was more sweet --- more joyous than yours. No feathers as bright --- none more beautiful --- no flight more graceful. Life holds so much beauty.
Spring arrives on gossamer wings --- love songs carried on the breeze ---- a mate is chosen.
Bits of twigs and straw gathered --- a nest is built. Seeds and berries fed to your mate as she sits upon the nest --- warming eggs which will hatch new life --- the ancient rhythms of life repeated --- so full of promise --- all is well. All is good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sudden change in the air ----- omens of things to come. An unwelcome stranger is lurking, hidden in the trees ----- The morning sky turns dark ----- a warning cry rings out ----- White turns black ----- Fear stills the skies and silents the forest -----
........ waiting
........ waiting
........ waiting
AND THEN......
Gunshots ring out across the meadow --- the first bullet strikes and rips apart your nest --- The second hits its mark --- And you fall spiraling to the earth.
You lay bleeding on the cold wet ground --- blood spills down and stains your downy breast red --- your heart beats weak --- soft sounds can be heard from somewhere deep within your throat --- and then life slips away and you are gone.
In a moment all is changed. The wounded innocent suffer. Never knowing why life can be so unfair. So brutal. Can be so sorrowful.
Your mother didn't know when she lifted her protective wing and pushed you from the nest, watching you and feeling pride in your new found freedom of independence, that this would be your fate.
Never knew that you would not always be the most brilliant bird in the forest. She could not know that your nest would fall --- your babies would be lost. Your mate, frightened, flies away into the distance. Everything gone in an instant.
Silence.
A sudden eruption of sound echoes through the trees --- the other birds cry out --- mourning their fallen brother.
And your mother looks on numb, making no sound. Not understanding the cruelty of some of the two-legged creatures that walk the earth. The ones that kill or cause harm and hurt just for the pure joy of doing so. How can they be so cruel? Questions do not always have answers.
She only know that her wounded bird is gone. No more will his beautiful song be heard. No more will she enjoy watching him fly with breakneck speed through the trees with such jubilance ---
living life with youthful intensity --- urgency --- living life fully. Never again will she see him lead the other birds in flight Or humbly feed another.
She gathers some of his precious feathers --- places them gently into her own nest --- she will keep part of him forever close. These cherished feathers that were once his pride. All that she has left of her beloved child. She tucks her head beneath her wing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"In the cathedral of the woods
Where the slanting light shines through
The song of a bird enchants the air
and fills the soul with tranquility."
~~ Gwen Frostic
..... She tucks her head beneath her wing .....
....Once Wild - Beautiful - and Free
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