This long and difficult journey has lead me to wonderful people previously unknown; to people whose silent cries, like my own, go unheard; and to raw, heartfelt personal stories that we, as survivors, can feel and understand because we have been there too. We have each faced a sudden and devastating loss in our lives, we have traveled through the same valleys, we have laughed at the happy, funny times we shared with our loved ones, we have cried together over their/our loss and our empty arms and our broken hearts.
We are a family; brothers and sisters born in pain and bound by grief. We may not always be on the same page in our Journal of Grief and Survival but we are all in the same chapter. In the same chapter and trying desperately to turn the page, to add a new chapter. Perhaps even begin a new book of our lives. We try but never quite succeed.
This journey has forced us to discover ourselves as we never would have previously. We have been forced to come face to face with our own realities. The knowledge of who we really are, beneath all the pretense, swirls about us like the wind, and falls on us like the rain. We look inside ourselves and see who we are, where we've been, but we don't know always where we're going. And that is part of journey - rediscovering who we are.
During these past three years I have learned some valuable lessons. With your indulgence, I will share a few:
When we share our innermost thoughts and deepest emotions - be it sadness, anger, frustration, guilt, or the depth of our love, we are learning to trust.
As we listen to and are touched by the stories of others, we are learning about compassion and empathy.
When we extend our hands to another to help them up and give them a shoulder to lean on when we ourselves are also hurting and needy, we are learning what it means to be selfless in our service to others and from that we gain strength.
When others unintentionally offer hurtful platitudes and we fight down anger and seek instead to understand, we learn patience and forgiveness.
And in death, we learn the meaning of life. This is perhaps the hardest lesson of all to learn. Grief causes us to look inward and often times downward because our hearts are so heavy and our grief is so great. The journey can be very long one indeed before the clouds separate and we can see our beautiful world again; and in seeing it, want to be a part of it once more. I try to remember that in spite of the darkness of today, there is hope for a bright tomorrow.
Henry Miller wrote: "One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."
I want to thank you for walking beside me these last three years. I honestly don't know how I would have made it without the knowledge that you were there. I have been greatly blessed and formed deep friendships and lifelong bonds with some of us. You came into my life when I was weak and venerable and wandering. You reached out, lifted me up, and continue to walk beside me every day. You've shown me compassion and love and I return that love tenfold.
I want you to know that I have welcomed and appreciated your comments. You have touched my heart with your sharing of your stories and thoughts with me.
I do not know where this journey will take me but for now I must travel on alone. As I continue on, I know there will be many more lessons to be learned but at this moment I do not feel there is anything left in me to share. Now I will become the reader and I will let your wisdom guide me.
Love and peace to each and every one of you.
Linda
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